12 days postpartum thoughts & stats

There's just no nice way to put it... I'd rather have 10 vaginal births in 10 years than 1 c section ever.

This major surgery has knocked me on my butt and then some. I suppose some people have "easy" surgeries and recoveries. I, on the other hand, endured natural labor, intense attempts at positioning JT after my water broke (I can best describe this as a doctor and midwife doing chest-compression-like maneuvers on my stomach), and then general anesthetic emergency c section where the doctor actually had to turn JT breech to "pull" him out because his shoulder was so malpositioned into the birth canal. You can imagine the havoc wreaked on my midsection muscles and organs.

Recovery has been tough. I'm not a fan of medicine, so that's been hard to handle (physically, my belly doesn't like the extreme amount of foreign things its being forced to digest). I can't play with my bitsy girl, can barely sleep (oh how I'd love to lay on my side), and nursing isn't very comfortable (but thank God JT is a good nurser).

There have been moments where I'm pretty sure I should have just died on the operating table. There have been days when I couldn't imagine going forward, because it seemed like the pain and fear would endure forever.

I don't think it's supposed to feel this bad. I thought it'd be hard, but I don't know why mine has been particularly harder than peers I've heard from.

Sitting in my mid wife's office, with tears streaming down my face, I said to my husband, "I feel like I'm staring up this giant mountain and I don't think I can get up it." He, as those of you who know his endless love for me might expect, said... "you don't have to get up it, I'll carry you."

I love him so much. He has literally seen it all and taken on so much through this whole ordeal. I could never repay him and only pray God rewards his compassion in heaven.

So, the good news is I'm finally starting to feel better today. We came up with a better pain management plan and the referred pain I had been feeling in my shoulder is subsiding (it was some of the worst). I'm able to breathe a little deeper and do more things. My pain has always been in my lower right quadrant and is down from a 8ish to a 2-3ish with constant pain medication.

It's been just the four of us for 24 hours now and we are chugging along just fine. JT has been having a tough time breathing at night for the past two nights...so my husband and I are both exhausted. G has been behaving probably a little better than the average 22 month old who's world just got turned upside down--but still very clingy and crabby for her normal behavior. She's thrown more fits and acted out more. But she's also been very sweet and helpful. We take the bad with the good.

At his two week check up (only 11 days old though), baby J was 9 pounds 1.5 ounces, 20.75" long and his head has stayed steady at 15". His stats land him in the 70s% but his head is still 98%. He's doing great, aside from his small nose and breathing troubles. I've 'lost' 26 pounds since 12/16. Not trying or caring, just reporting the stats.

Specialist appointments come in January and we won't have an official diagnosis until then.

Thanks for all the prayers and support.

Love to all & merry Christmas a few days late