Gluten Free Veggie and Fruit Muffins with no refined sugar

As with my previous post, you may notice I've returned a bit to baking. I feel a little bad about it, but by keeping it gluten free, I'm not nearly as worried about tummy troubles.
You can buy the ingredients for the gluten free mix I use on vitacost, and I have a $10 off coupon code here.

Prior to paleo and whole 30, I made clean eating veggie muffins all the time using white whole wheat flour. And we loved them. We haven't had a non paleo muffin around here in forever, but given event lately, I've taken to gluten free baking (mostly inspired by our weekly pizza and movie night that came about when I was working a lot of weekend).

Here's the recipe for awesome gluten free zucchini, carrot, apple, banana muffins made with honey

Veggie and Fruit Muffins 

(no refined sugar, no gluten, no dairy)

makes 24, takes about an hour including prep/cook time (unless you use a food processor to grate, then it's much faster but mine is currently broken, so sad day)

about 2 cups grated zucchini
3 peeled and grated carrots
1 cored and grated apple
2 mashed ripe bananas
3 eggs
3/4 to 1 cup honey, depending on desired sweetness
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cooking oil of your choice (I used GMO free canola, but I've also used grapeseed oil, melted coconut oil would also work)

3 cups gluten free flour blend
1/2 tsp baking powder, aluminium free
1 3/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt

Heat oven to 400 degrees. In a large mixing bowl combine the fruits/veggies, then make a well in the center and dump wet ingredients in. Whisk within the well and then incorporate the fruits/veggies mixture all together.  In a medium bowl, combine dry ingredients. Stir dry mixture into the wet mixture until combined. Pour into prepared or lined muffin tins. You will get 24 muffins, so if you have 2 pans, cook at the same time, otherwise do 2 batches as needed. Bake for 8 minutes at 400 degrees, then rotate pans and lower temp to 350. Bake for 10-12 minutes longer until toothpick comes out clean. Enjoy :-) Refrigerate leftovers

What's in my Paleo-ish kitchen?

I decided to share some of my favorite staples and some non photogenic shots of my kitchen pantry, cabinets, and refrigerator! This is just how it was today, nothing altered or bought special :-) I did straighten up a tiny bit, though. But as you can see from the fridge, I live life on the edge of disorganization :-)

PANTRY-
I got a steal on lightly sweetened organic sunbutter for the kids (okay, also sometimes adults) at Natural Grocers recently. Big win, because A, it's expensive and B, sunbutters are usually super sugary.
Homemade almond butter in reused container.
coconut butter, not as good as I had hoped, and the cause of the 6 stitches in my finger. (okay, not direct cause, but the immersion blender accident of 2015 was due to blending coconut butter)
a few 100% juice boxes for kids on super rare (less than once a month) occasions
a ton of organic BPA free diced tomatoes and tomato paste.
4 boxes of organic mac and cheese by Back to Nature
coconut oil. Hated coconut growing up, but apparently it's healthy, so I'm fond of it now. Just not the dried coconut. But I eat it in Lara Bars ;-)
coconut flour
tons of cereal boxes because I buy it on sale, but we go through it super slowly. The kids have cereal for breakfast maybe once a week. And I really only buy low sugar, gluten free, healthy kinds ;-)
organic coconut milk, clearanced can pumpkin from a year ago :-/ sooo about that
can of wild caught, sustainable practice, salmon
bag of organic onions
brown sprouts bag has several sweet potatoes and some organic brown potatoes
butternut squash

SECRET CABINET
a TON of lara bars also got on sale at natural grocers
kids alive vitamins, and out of photo, my super nutrition vitamins and real food calcium supplement

selected items from FREEZER
chicken, ground pork, fish, brats
frozen veggies, fruit
homemade jam, as seen on this blog
recent impulse buy for kids-gluten free sweetened with fruit Van's waffles
a ton of homemade broth

selected items from FRIDGE
organic dates, for emergency sweetness
paleo garden veggie and sausage egg casserole for breakfasts this week
grilled chicken for easy lunch prep
lettuce and spinach
tapioca flour
almond flour
chia seeds
gluten free oats for kids
green onions
kale
radishes
a tiny bit of bell pepper and mushroom chopped for salads left
lemons
apples
berries
carrots (organic, buy the 5 lb bag for 3.97)
applegate lunch meat, pepperoni (last night we had cauliflower crust paleo pizza and didn't use them all so for a bomb snack today I had some dipped in muir glen pizza sauce that we didn't use all of either)
a few brown cow greek yogurts for the kids from Whole Foods when they had $1 sale
almond milk
cashew milk
calcium added 100% not from concentrate OJ
cage free brown eggs

SNACK CABINET
cashews
almonds
walnuts
all bulk from sprouts and whole foods
organic raisins from target when they had a sale plus cartwheel
bitsy brain ABC veggie cookies from the kids' Easter baskets
happy family gluten free best friend cookies and yogurt melts--left over from an event so the kids can eat them
Annie's gluten free bars for the kids
Annie's snack crackers
nature's bakery fig bars, probably the least healthy thing in there but the kids love them so they are a nice treat when on sale at sprouts
horizon organic cinnamon animal crackers


lucky for me there aren't any chips anywhere to be found because I'm trying to resolve to break out post-whole30 habit of chips and spicy salsa.... super love them but it was becoming a real habit so since Sunday, they've been MIA ;-)

It's crazy that there isn't any dark chocolate or ice cream...because 2.5 years ago...that'd wouldn't have been the case. This photo would have looked much different. And I just want to encourage everyone out there to give clean eating a try because it is TOTALLY worth it. And then when you're ready, give a Whole30 a shot because it's life altering and health changing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm talking to you MOM and DAD!

Dairy Free Fruit Dip

TI used to make a yummy clean fruit dip using yogurt, almond butter, and honey, but since I try to be mostly paleo....I don't eat or buy plain greek yogurt. (I do still buy some of the little cups for the kids, it's a great source of calcium and protein for them to eat occasionally) .... And the other day I was craving some fruit with dip and didn't just want to use plain almond butter. I used what I know about bananas and immersion blender to create a great fruit dip that is paleo!! I dare say it's Whole 30, but may be considered a SWYPO food....

Dairy Free Paleo Fruit Dip

2 ripe bananas
1/3 to 1/2 almond butter
shake of cacao (okay, I used a few shakes)

toss all ingredients into a bowl and let your immersion blender do the work!! (or regular blender / food processor if you haven't jumped on board the immersion blender train of awesomeness)

Makes enough for 2-3 big servings

Whole 30 end thoughts and 'results'

I came into the Whole 30 wanting to clean up our diet, feel less anxiety about what went into my mouth, and honestly I also wanted to lose some weight. I had gone from 153 ish in October to 161 after the holidays. It was a combination of inability to work out while trying to close my abs, finding out I shouldn't run, and also the lack of strict clean eating. My clothes were too tight and I felt crappy about myself. Whole 30 isn't about losing weight though, so the number on the scale should not have even been an interest in my heart, but it was. I'm just being honest. It's hard to forget about those goals.

I have done well at reminding myself that even thought I didn't lose more weight, I feel so SO SO much better mentally. I have to be happy and proud of that. I think it was a successful month for sure because we were never starving and never lacking for yummy food. We rid ourselves of a chocolate addiction and my husband didn't have a drink the whole time. So I mean, that's awesome since he even had a 3.5 day business trip in there (and his birthday)! Plus we both decided we can maintain a mostly paleo lifestyle moving forward.

It's been a week and a half since our 30 days were over; and we've each 'splurged' a bit on some things, but generally haven't had much grains or dairy. We've had a mild amount of sugar and the husband had two too many drinks last Friday night. I mean, considering he didn't have a drop for 37 days, then had like 4.... let's leave it with him not feeling great most of the next day. Love you honey :-)

We've both actually continued to lose a bit of weight since we've been eating well and working out still, so that's really nice to see. And the actual 30 day total was about 8 pounds for me and 12ish for the husband, but now we are both about 2 pounds more than that! I lost 2% body fat (more by now I bet) and I know my husband lost more than that. We have to be mindful with Valentines Day, Mardi Gras, G's birthday, 2 baby showers I am throwing, and St Patricks Day then Easter coming up. I half have it in my mind to do a whole 40 during Lent to keep some strictness to the sugar levels, but that's not what Lent is about, so I think we will just be mindful of it.

Today was MOPS and I had 2 chocolate cake donut holes. They were very yummy. And half of a homemade cinnamon roll. Also yummy. I feel a little guilty about it because we were trying to be paleo through the week and 'cheat' on the weekends only if we wanted to....but meh, really not that bad.

My final thoughts on the Whole 30 program is that it is wonderful. It's practical and logical. I guess some might call it crazy, but those would be the people who have not read up on the science behind food and our guts and minds. I can't recommend it enough. But I would say to see better results, try a whole45, but if that seems daunting, definitely do the whole 30 to get rid of the crap in your diet and the mental addition to food. And don't go back to eating the same crap afterwards, because then the whole 30 is merely an exercise in temperance (which I guess is still good) rather than a lifestyle adoption. Food is fuel. Give your body quality performance based options! :-)

More whole 30 meals

My goals and also a bit about halfway through whole 30

Half way into the whole 30, and I am just glad to be feeling happy about what's going into my body. If whole 30's goal is to lose weight, that's a bad goal. The way to loose weight is to have a calorie deficit, and no where in the whole 30 literature does it talk about counting calories. Basically, many people do lose weight because they are simply eating less calories based on the fact that veggies have way less calories than fast food options. But I think if you were already eating fairly clean, whole 30 won't really change that much. The main way I'm going to see the weight loss I wish I could achieve is if I start working out more. But that is so hard with my limitations. I did take a fitness pilates class this week and OMG I love it. I knew I would from the fact that I did it every week, twice a week, for months after G was born (until we moved). I really had missed it, and hated the fact that I'm no where near in pilates shape like I used to be. I mean. You guys. I used to take advanced reformer classes. It was no joke. But.... here I am. Two kids later. A torn up abdomen later. and busy mom life later....

Back to whole 30. So I was feeling super negative about my body at the end of last year. And just within the first week of whole 30 I was back down to the weight and body image I was before the holidays hit. So that's the best news out of the whole thing. And my kids are way less sugar dependent (honey counts as sugar, and seeing as how I no longer "have" to put it into their oatmeal...that's a win!) G also eats scrambled eggs without cheese in them, so also big win (they eat cheese other times of the day). I just wish they would eat unsweetened Greek yogurt...but tried that and failed (ended up having to squeeze in some honey before they'd finish their cups). Mostly they still eat ketchup with meat. I don't plan on fighting that battle yet, because I'll take some not-terrible ketchup over not-eating-meat any day.

My hubby hasn't had any alcohol in 16 days and that's a super awesome win (me too, but I wasn't a drink every night person like he was). We have not had late night unhealthy snacks (we had developed a 3-4 times a week chips and salsa habit) in 16 days and we have not had dark chocolate or anything sweet (aside from sweet potatoes or fruit) for that matter.

What a pride point!

But. I really want to start caring about pride so much less. I need to stop focusing on external. I always say out loud that I don't care...but I do. So I confessed it and we are moving on.

I feel like I've got this paleo thing on wrap, but I don't think after the whole 30 that I will keep it up AS strict. There will be wine sometimes and there will be weekly chocolate. I've said it before and I'll repeat, if I am happy with what goes in. I am happy with what is (size/shape/etc).

Now I need to focus on the things that matter. (body image does matter to me, though, because if I'm too hung up on my body I get anxiety and it leaves me strung out in every other area of life)

So. Thank you whole 30 for clearing my mind of the food and body woes. Here are my next goals.

1. Stop yelling at my kids. Sometimes I do better than others. I even went through a period of time where I was on a no yelling streak after I felt so guilty about yelling at G when she was 2.5. But then J's behavior got pretty bad and things escalated. I certainly wouldn't yell at my kids in front of Jesus....yet I do every day, since He lives in their souls. I must remember this and I must act on this. I ordered a book on amazon. I can't believe I paid 16 bucks for it. Thankfully I had a gift card balance. But anyways, it's called Yell Less, Love More. and I am hoping it's life changing. I bawled my eyes out last night after putting the kids to bed. Yesterday was the kind of day where I wished I had a job. And that's stupid because I know I WANT to raise them. I was just not a great mom yesterday. I guess we all have those days.
My yelling stems from resentment, impatience, perfectionism, and the fact that my son is SUPER defiant if he doesn't have 100% of your attention.
I don't need to yell at G. I guess I did enough of that for her when she was 2. So that's how I justify yelling at J...is that if I do it now, I won't have to in a year.....but that's a terrible excuse and I don't care what I did for G. I want to be better. I know I am a good mom and I know I show them crazy amounts of love. But I also know that yelling is damaging and does not set the Christ's love example I want to set.
I will surely always discipline my kids, but it is proven that fear is not an effective parenting tool. I thought it was. But it's not. I know this if I look back on my own childhood. Fear worked, but only until I figured out a way to undermine the fear. So the only way I got back on the right path was through self regulation that I learned NOT from the yelling part of my parents, but from the actual guidance part.

2. Stop living on my phone. I mean. I could be worse, but man I could be so much better. Deleting facebook was a huge step in the right direction. Next? instagram. I have to keep twitter for work, but I hate that platform, so it's not a time suck for me. The next step in operation not live on phone....email. But for work it is so so helpful to have on my phone....need to find a balance. Wish we could afford for me to quit that job. Then I'd really have no reason to be on my phone and I could even get a dumb phone again.... but we can't afford that so. Blah.

3. Stick to our budget. I take full responsibility for the fact that we have a good income but have to live so frugally and so budget conscious. I have more student loans (bills for that went up this month, we are paying almost as much on student loans as we do for our house, moral of that story, don't get student loans) and yet I don't work. Well. Not really any ways. I keep telling myself though, if we had more money to 'play' with, we'd have to donate more....because we aren't called to live lucratively as Christians. So maybe God knew that it would be harder for us to get to Heaven if we had more money....so here we sit. Nervously waiting for the other foot to drop that would land us in a terrible financial position. I hope that foot never lands. I have to stop being a martyr to organic food. But that's so hard knowing it's better for us. I can't unknow this fact. I get so conflicted finding a balance between feeding us healthy and better food versus having no money to do that. Life is so ironic. and cruel.

4. Trim the fat. In my life, that is. Certain acquaintances, groups, and positions have to be trimmed in order for me to be a better friend to those that I truly need and want in my life. So, I'm making the hard call on things to quit and say no to. Life is cruel again. Time is a big shortage in my life and I don't get enough sleep.

so, there you have it. pure and raw.

love to all.

Week one foods

10 years later...

I was one of those people who joined the facebook in 2004. I was in love with the concept. It was so hip and happening.

But then. It evolved into this monster roller coaster and I was along for the ride. 

So long story short. I deactivated my facebook and it's been great. Ten years was a good run.

I've been thinking about doing it for a while now and what better new year self love is there than to rid myself of the drama and self inflicted negativity that comes from seeing others best moments played out. And the desire to reciprocate that. But I think I got better about that over the past few months when I made a pact with myself to avoid posting statuses and photos except for big events. I also got myself into too much misrepresentation waters by not realizing how I come off not as intended with my opinions.

The straw that broke the camels back was my sister and mom thinking I had an eating disorder because of whole 30. Then they messaged me on facebook about it. Not cool. At all.

A. Not an eat disorder. Quite the opposite. I feel so great not caring about portions and about knowing what goes in my body is the best fuel I can offer it to live my life. I do not believe grains offer me nutritional value and any added sugars are unnecessary to the diet. Dairy is meant for cows babies. Alcohol isn't necessary. Jury is out on legumes but I'll play along for a month. As I mentioned before I highly doubt we stay paleo after this month but even if we did... You can't criticize that as an "eating disorder." Especially if you don't classify eating Arby's or Taco Bell on even a semi regular basis as an eating disorder. 

B. Messaging someone accusing them of needing a counselor via the Facebook is really impersonal. So if I take facebook out of the equation, problem solved on that issue.

C. I could make a whole post about how I feel about these allegations and how they made me bawl my eyes out from lack of supprt and understanding my intentions... But I won't. I usually don't care what people think. And I am who I am. But when it's people in my inner circle... Of course I take it personally because of I let you get that close to me... I trust you. If you hurt me in that manner... I get confused and cry and rationalize how this ever happened if my intentions were so pure. My husband says I have a hard personality to understand. Well. It sometimes sucks being green. Know what I mean? (Kermit yall.)

D. If you think I obsess about food. Sorry.  I don't. I plan. I prepare. If that's obsessing. You're wrong. I obsess about nothing anymore. At least not for long periods of time. 

E. If my last post mentioning that I had disordered thoughts about my body after my sons birth was too strong of a statement... Don't read my blog. It was honest. And I know only a tiny amount of moms who felt awesome about their post pregnancy body so I really don't think it was out of the realm of possibilities for me (who had just been through a traumatic c section) to feel like shit about myself. So when I was physically able I started working out and made nutritional changes for the better.  That's a POSITIVE change, not obsessive.

Do I cook a lot? Yes. But we'd never eat if I didn't! Do I spend all my time thinking about food? Not at all.

So back to facebook and negativity and opinions. I'm just going to keep my stuff here. Oh and on Instagram. Still like that one. Especially for whole 30 tags.

Love to you all.

Clean Eating to Whole 30, a journey

I'm not one to change my mind--until I do.

For instance, I said I would never run a marathon, because that's just too crazy! I really wanted to run a half marathon and thought that wasn't too crazy....but the full 26.2? Totally nuts. People who CHOOSE to run that many miles, especially PAYING to do so, are absolutely nuts.

Then I ran a half marathon and felt dissatisfied. It wasn't the whole thing. It was only 'half.' And I really don't like half-assing things. If you're going to do something, do it right, I pretty much try to live by that. Call it a perfectionist problem. I've discussed it here before. And as I've aged, I try to cut myself some slack and not be so perfect....and I think I'm winning that battle in many ways! Not in all areas though.

As you know, via this blog, I decided to clean up our families diet about a year and a half ago. I had heard of clean eating prior to that and thought, meh...not for me. Mostly because I didn't WANT to give up ice cream, Velveeta, or boxed convenient options. I also justified not jumping on the clean diet because I didn't think we ate 'that bad.' And we didn't eat a lot of crap (there were veggies at every meal and I did bake some from scratch), we just ate a lot of processed foods.

But then I just kept feeling more and more crappy about myself post-J's birth. After G's I bounced back so well (duh, natural med free birth versus traumatic emergency C section), but I was a wreck after J's. I felt eating disorder mental issues creeping back in my mind and the more I thought about it; the more it became obvious it was because I wasn't happy with the fuel I was giving my body. I determined if I was happy with what was going in my body, then I had to be happy with my body. Because, after all, if your body works for you, it does no good to vainly aspire for some model figure that isn't worth it. I am who I am, and I don't get paid to look a certain way, and I am a woman of faith, so vanity is definitely a sin (even if you are getting paid to look a certain way, if you claim God as your father....you probably should recheck your occupation/spiritual life compatibility. Just saying)

I have always considered myself a good cook, and it comes naturally to me (sewing, does not, so there's that). I was excited for the challenge that clean eating would entail, and I definitely over did it in the beginning because I was learning. I got too stressed out making more complicated items, but it taught me a lot about the basis of cooking and using clean ingredients. Once you find the staples of your families diet, and understand how to cook from scratch, it becomes second nature to cook off-recipe. I really consider myself the next food network star, but what home chef doesn't?,

But Paleo? Oh hell to the no. I was on board with clean eating, because it makes sense. Giving up artificial crap is a logical move in my book. But giving up grains? They are natural. Not eating cheese? Crazy pants! Paleo people seem elitist and idealist. We are not rich over here. Not at all. Our grocery bill is already astronomical. Take away cheap meal options via beans and pasta? Bah humbug!

The basic principals of paleo eating make historical sense though, lots of meat and vegetables....Hunter/gatherer. I get it. But wheat grows in the ground and it's cheap and it's yummy. I get that cows milk is for cows, but man alive I love cheese and greek yogurt and butter. While we were clean eaters, we made grassfed dairy a priority and choose whole wheat. I felt pretty solid about those choices. And I still kind of do.

Now my confession. The past month or so was fairly rough with clean eating. Starting with an unclean Thanksgiving. I mean, it was delicious, don't get me wrong, and I tried to make the smartest choices while there....but it started us on a downward spiral into sugar filled land. The mindset became more of 'when in Rome.' When I cooked for us at home, it was clean, but we didn't eat at home nearly as much, and I baked birthday goodies using more sugar in 1 week than I had bought in the entire 2 years prior. Sugar is highly processed and we much preferred honey and agave to white sugar (it's not clean, duh). But I was tired of people giving me crap for making clean foods.

I also haven't been able to work out much over the past 6 months because I've been trying to figure out why, two years later, my stomach still spasms and my diastis recti isn't healed. I've tried two physical therapists, who have each imparted a small bit of wisdom upon my situation (in two different directions, interestingly enough). But nothing has been cured. My DR has closed a lot, but is still there. My psoas muscle still spasms and my hip hurts (And as you may have read, I was diagnosed with hip dysplasia). Needless to say, if I want to treat my body right, there are limited exercises I can do and they counter each other out.
It's like "oh, do pilates, it's easy on your hip" .... but generally, it's really bad for a spasming psoas and diastis recti
"go swimming!" .... great but that also pulls your stomach muscles farther apart
"do these cross body moves that will help pull your muscles together" .... actually that hurts my hip
"go for a light jog" .... and end up with a fake hip in your 30's thanks to your already ticking time bomb of a misshapen right hip socket.
cross fit is out, boxing is out....etc....

CANT FREAKING WIN  I tell you....

So the other day it got to the point where I said screw it. We joined the gym (mega awesome gym, thanks to my husband's good discount via work) and I'm doing what I can. And I feel awesome about it.

But in the past 2 months I have gained 10 pounds. YAH and I'm not pregnant. Pretty horrible. I felt super bad about myself and no one deserves that.

I don't believe in supplements or magic cures. I don't even take birth control because my body should operate just as it was intended, thanks so much. I believe food should be as God intended it and we shouldn't screw around with chemical compounds to make food last longer at the cost of our gut's health.

I understand that without food scientists, most of the world would starve, and I certainly don't wish harm on anyone....but seriously?? The world is over populated if natural food and agriculture can't sustain us. Do I volunteer as tribute to die for one less person in the over populated world? Certainly not. Although, if God deemed it was my time, maybe I would go? Back to the paleo tale.

If I want to heal my gut, and fuel my body to be a healthy momma, and a happy wife....I must give myself the food that optimizes my time on earth. I even consulted a priest with if it was sinful to be 'picky' with food. And he said it was not! He said since vanity was not my reason, if I truly felt called to eat a certain way to maximize my vocation, then he agreed it was a smart choice.

HUZZAH!

So I found Whole 30 as a good introduction to the Paleo lifestyle. And I doubt after Whole 30 is over we maintain a 100% Paleo life. I mean, I imagine it to be an 80/20 balance unless being lacto-paleo counts, and in that case, I'm fine with being 100% lacto-paleo. Unless I go to Italy some day, because in that case, I'm eating pizza.

But back to Whole 30. If you aren't privy, it's a 30 day 'challenge' or 'detox' if you will to eat no grains, no legumes (even peanuts), no dairy, no sugar (not even honey), no artificial crap (obviously), no alcohol. The goal is to cut ties with emotional foods and eating. It's to retrain your body into looking at food as yummy and healthy and only that. Protein, fat, and vitamins/minerals are what your body needs. Certain veggies contain enough carbs to keep you going. Whole 30 and Paleo are not 'anti-carb' ways of life. They are anti grain because of how it affects the intestinal tract. It's really not a good fuel for your body. Fat is a much better option, as it leaves you satiated. Fat doesn't make you fat. Sugar does. Google it. It's gospel.

So I convinced, fairly easily, my sweet hubby to agree. My mom was all concerned about our kids...but just know I am not being nearly as strict with them. They are still having dairy and some grains. I'm really focusing on the sugar with them, and trying to boost their meat/veggie intake. But if you know my kids, you know they already eat healthy (veggies are not an issue, it's usually meat, sicne they always want ketchup with it. I curse they day I offered that), so this is not that hard. And I'm not pushing it on them. They haven't eaten anything different (though I tried to get G to eat avocado mixed with some chicken and grapes and boiled egg and she had a meltdown--J on the other hand had seconds). I've just cut the snacky unhealthy filler stuff and sweet treats.

I did SO much research about this Whole 30. I poured over the internet reading people's advice, stories, transformations, and meal plans. I determined it really was right for me, and I couldn't wait to get started. My husband was a bit reluctant, but hasn't said a negative word. I'm happy he's doing it with me, the family support makes a world of difference.

I read that people learn 'so much' about themselves during a Whole 30, but I really doubt that happens. I knew going in dairy would be the hardest for me, and alcohol for my husband...and it's day two, and guess what? We were right. I think that if you have clean eating principals in the forefront of your mind, a Whole 30 isn't hard. I mean, if you're going from eating Burger King weekly, to now uber Paleo, yes, that's hard. But I feel totally prepared for it, it just sucks when I'm cutting some cheese slices for my kids and know it's off plan to nibble on it. Maybe after day 30 I won't even want dairy anymore? Hopefully.

I really don't even miss grains or sweets. I guess I had enough of them in December, that I'm actually sick of them. They are yummy and convenient but I know I don't need them, so I'm like 'peace out!'

Over the next month I'll post some photos of our daily meals so you can see that we are thriving! It's all about what you should eat, not what you "can't" eat.

much love~

Clean Eating Chocolate Cookie Cake recipe

I have another chocolate chip cookie recipe on here, but I've been wanting to make some revisions to it....and I have confirmation class tonight so it was the perfect time to create a new clean eating recipe. I always bring my girls a treat (Sometimes it's pop corn, sometimes it's mandarin oranges, and some times it's a homemade treat!) and I've been talking about chocolate chip cookies for a while.

leaf and acorn shapes for Fall

My favorite kind of chocolate chip cookies are cut out of cookie cakes because they are all middle pieces! Here, I've cleaned up a cookie cake recipe for you but it could easily just be cookies if you plop them down by the tablespoon instead of patting out into a rectangle

Clean Eating Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake

1 stick of butter, softened
1/4 c ground flax (best to grind fresh, I use a coffee grinder)
1/4 c molasses
1/3 c agave nectar
a little under 1/2 c honey
1 egg plus 1 egg yolk
splash of vanilla
2.5 cups of white whole wheat flour (I started with 2 cups and then added more in as needed to stiffen dough a bit)
1/2 c oat flour (grind rolled oats using coffee grinder or processor, or buy already ground at store)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
about half a bag of dark chocolate chips (I used 60% from Ghirardelli)

Using stand mixer with paddle attachment, beat butter and flax until really smooth. Add sweeteners and mix super well. Like creamy smooth! Add egg, egg yolk and vanilla. Beat again until combined. Mix the dry ingredients together and then dump carefully into the wet mixture. Mix on low speed until incorporated. I turned it on high for a few seconds to really get it mixed well. Stir in chocolate chips.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or a silicone mat, pat out the cookie dough into a rectangle or desired shape, keeping it about 3/8" thick throughout the whole shape. Bake for about 20 minutes until center is done. Cut with cookie cutters if desired, after cooled.

Clean Eating Pumpkin Dairy-Free Ice Cream Squares - Paleo recipe

A few months ago I made an awesome paleo chocolate chip cheesecake recipe and thus entered into my fascination with soaked cashews. Have you ever used soaked cashews? If not, you are missing out!

They basically can become a dairy base for a variety of desserts or cheese like dips...and it's clean and paleo!

Recently I wanted to make a pumpkin cheesecake using the soaked cashew method, but was pressed for time so it resulted in an ice-cream like dessert that I cut into squares. I personally would (and did) eat the 'batter' without waiting for it to freeze, but if you want the ice cream like feel, leave it in the freezer for a while.

Pumpkin "Ice Cream" Bars

.5 lb cashews, soaked for 8 hours, drained
1/2 - 3/4 c honey, depending on preferred sweetness
1/2 coconut oil, or grassfed butter if you are okay with that (which I totally am)
a few shakes of salt
a drizzle of vanilla
3/4 c pumpkin puree (from roasted pie pumpkin preferred)
1/4 - 1/3 c water to reach consistency

Place cashews in food processor and process until smooth, add remaining ingredients and process until combined well, using the water to help the batter reach a soft serve consistency. Spread into a 9x13 pan lined with parchment paper, or a 9x9 dish for thicker bars. Place into freezer for several hours until frozen--Enjoy!

So far I have eaten them which some dark chocolate, gluten free chocolate cookies (Happy Family Best Friends), and all alone. My husband thinks peanut butter would go awesome with them and I think caramel would. Options are endless :-)

Clean Eating; Cauliflower Sweet Potato Butternut Squash Soup recipe

Earlier this year I got an immersion blender. It was actually free thanks to the-now-defunct-EcoBonus program. I collected points from buying things like Annie's Homegrown (now sold to General Mills), King Arthur Flour, and Seventh Generation. I redeemed them for a green kitchen aid stick blender. I mostly wanted it for a carrot soup recipe I haven't even made yet. It gets used a few times a month, so given the free cost....totally worth it!

I have most recently used it to make my latest soup recipe. I have created so many recipes over the past few months of non-blogging, but I've been to distracted by life to actually type them out. Lucky for you, I'm trying this re-branded blog and thus....here is my perfect fall soup recipe! And you guys....The name says it all.

Cauliflower Sweet Potato Butternut Squash Soup

1/2 onion, chopped

2-4 garlic cloves, depending on your love for garlic

1 medium butternut squash

1 large sweet potato or yam

1 good size head of cauliflower (a bag of frozen florets will work too)

 (organic is preferred for all above, not just because of chemicals and GMOs, but the taste is just better, but do what you can)

4 cups of clean chicken broth or stock (I make mine from crock pot roasted chickens, but if you must buy it, get a clean boxed kind)

2 cups of grassfed cream (you can also use full fat coconut milk for paleo approved but I think grassfed cream is close enough paleo)

2 cups of water (more or less to reach desired consistency)

salt and pepper to taste

a bit of cayenne if you want (I used several sprinkles and my kids didn't think anything of it)

First, wash and roast the sweet potato and butternut squash. I do this by cutting the potato in half and the squash in quarters lengthwise (scoop out seeds). I rub them with a little bit of olive oil and put them face down on a foil lined pan. Bake at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes or until fork tender. When they are done, start the broth boiling and add the onion, garlic, and cauliflower. While that boils, remove the skin from potato and squash. Once the cauliflower is nearing fork tender, add the squash and potato. Puree with immersion blender. (You can let it cool and use a stand blender if there's no immersion blender, but it's really not ideal since it's hot and probably too much for most blenders) Add cream and puree again to incorporate. Season to taste. Add water to loosen because at this point it's probably pretty thick. I added about 2.5 cups to make mine as soupy as we like it (and it was on the perfect side of rich and creamy).

I served mine with a bit of shredded parm on top and a grilled ham and cheese on the side.

Chocolate zucchini cake, eat clean

Yes. I am a fan of all things containing chocolate and zucchini. Here's another clean eating recipe containing them both!

My in laws were in town last night and we were having an awesome clean grilled dinner, and I had a zucchini that was getting pretty old. I figured it wouldn't be that good grilled, so I decided to whip up a dessert with it. Enter this thrown together from several online ideas...

Triple Chocolate zucchini cake

Clean eating

1/2 cup softened butter, grassfed preferred

1/2 - 1 cup honey or agave (vary it depending on your sweetness preference, and I used a combination of the two), local preferred for honey

3 eggs

1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce, organic preferred

Dash vanilla if you want

2 cups whole wheat flour (I used half white whole wheat and red whole wheat)

1/2 tsp baking powder, aluminum free

1/2 tsp baking soda

Several dashes of salt

1/4 cup Dutch Cocoa

1/4 cup cocoa powder

A few dashes of ginger

1 medium zucchini, grated

1/3 - 1/2 cup milk depending on how dry the batter looks, grassfed preferred or almond/coconut milk

10 oz dark chocolate chips or enjoy life chips

Combine butter and honey with mixer. Add applesauce, vanilla and eggs; mix well. In another bowl preferably, mix dry ingredients together then add to wet and combine. Add zucchini and whip with mixer, this helps the batter be more wet from the moisture being pressed out of zucchini from fast mixing (my kitchen aid is a champ!) and cake batter like. Add the milk to get adequate moisture. I used 1/3 cup, but you'll just have to see what yours is like because the zucchini you have may be more or less moist than mine was. You want the batter to resemble a mix between regular and Greek yogurt-like consistency. Kind of firm but kind of runny. Definitely not soupy and definitely not bread battery.

Bake in preheated 350 oven about 20-25 minutes until set. At that point put the chocolate chips on top and put back into turned off oven for a few minutes until they melt. Remove and carefully spread chocolate evenly. It's nice to serve about 10 minutes later because then it's kind of like a lava cake but you can let the chocolate harden and serve it later on. Refrigerate leftovers. Can also mix in chocolate chips into to batter for an over the top treat!

Clean eating BBQ sauce

• Cook 12 oz clean bacon (nitrate free) and save 3 pieces (you can eat the rest!) and remove about 2 spoonfuls of the grease (leave the rest)
• 1 - 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 onion, minced
• 1 6 - 7 oz jar (or can) of tomato paste 
• 2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 Tbsp molasses
• 1 Tbsp honey
• 3 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce (the cleaner the better)
• .66 cup water 
• .75 Tsp salt Salt
• .75 Tsp pepper

Instructions

After the bacon has been cooked and you've removed the two spoonfuls of grease, use the remaining grease to sautee the garlic and onion. 

Then add remaining ingredients and simmer for 30 minutes.

Turn the heat off and carefully use an immersion blender to make it smooth. If you don't have an immersion blender. Let the mixture cool and use a regular blender to combine into smooth sauce.

Keeps up to 2 weeks in the fridge. feel free to add some heat via hot sauce or peppers!

Stuff on my mind.....potty, food, and Babies.

Hi, me again!
I'm so stressed on from potty training already and it's only day three. I don't regret starting, I just wish I was stronger. I did pretty well keeping my cool the first two days, but today (With my hubby back at work, and he is clearly my rock) I just lost it. I screamed so loud at J, I just feel terrible. UGh. Pick up the pieces and move forward....
He has to figure it out for himself and I have to be there to guide him...but when he pees two feet from the potty and then runs through it, slips and falls on the wood floor I feel sooooooooo angry... Not with my 20 month old kid....just with the fact of the matter.
As in.... why can't I do this for him? Please nature, just let me take the lead on this one.
If not that, Why can't he learn instantly? If he knows how to hold it, why can't he figure out how to let it go when he's on the potty and not next to it. Why did we have to do the most ridiculous things until nearly 11 pm last night just to get the kid to poop......he was holding it and I just wish I could explain to him how to relax and let it go..... UGH. control. he needs it, I wish I had it, it just sucks.
I have prayed so hard for patience and understanding. I have prayed for God to please just give me a break on this one...but I'm pretty sure God laughs and says, "listen lady, I've given you a break on nearly every other aspect of your life, you have it SO GOOD, this is your cross, bare it with grace."
OK! Thanks God. Easier said than done and you know it! There is a reason for everything. And I am a sinner. I was doing good, but now I'm human and I screamed at my baby. I feel horrible. Sometimes, though, a momma lion roars at her cubs, and ya know what? It's necessary.... but I guess they pee and poop where ever they damn well please. Thanks for nothing domestication.
For all of you out there saying, "oh just wait....he's not ready" .... go back and ready my potty training stuff with G. Same story. My kids are so similar. Thus, we carry on. I made the mistake of trying "kind of" with G and then it took 3 months for her to figure it out when we finally did go through with official potty training, so I'm not making that rookie mistake here. We set a date, knew he was ready enough, and are going through with it, my frustration and patience be damned. And if it takes 3 months anyway, well then I'll have a potty trained 23 month old and be diaper free for the first time in almost 4 years.... I'll take it. This is my blog and I'm ranting about it for a second, sorry.

Onto other things. I wanted to share a few links about food I found interesting. These are things we already do in our house, but maybe you don't know them so check them out. Eat clean is the bomb.
soy is bad for you. 
don't give your kid soy formula for the love of all things holy.
politically correct food myths
 nutrition food myths
I like this cat, I need to do more of these.

thanks to my husband's aunt who posted this article that led me to the website that the stuff above comes from.

And for my final thought, I have been in baby fever mode for a few months now. And I know two moms with kids with CDPX1 are expecting babies! And both of them are having healthy girls. How blessed and wonderful for them!! On one hand, it kind of makes me not want to press my luck since our girl came first, but then it also kind of makes me want to believe a healthy next kid would happen!

My husband and I are just a big ball of nerves and uncertainty when it comes to 'do we or don't we?' because what happens if we get a blood test done and it comes back positive for CDPX1 (or anything thing else for that matter because Lord knows there's a million things that could go 'wrong' when a baby is created).........we'd feel so terrible for choosing to conceive knowing the bad that could come from it.
But then it makes it seem like we are playing God by being too scared of the potentially bad outcome rather than trusting God to make good of whatever happens.
Ugh. It sucks sometimes, being an intelligent being with life experience.
I mean, look at the animals in nature....just reproducing without a fear in the world because it's all they know.... and if it goes wrong.....well.....that's the circle of life.
And look at the newly married couples so excited to have a baby or promiscuous teens having unplanned babies or the older couples trying desperately to conceive using whatever means necessary...........they just want the baby but haven't been slapped with reality (And I pray they never are) that SO many things have to go "just right" for that baby to turn out "normal."
So many pregnancies end in miscarriage because the cells just didn't match up. The body just couldn't do it. Something went wrong. 
So many kids are, through no fault of anyone, born different from what society tells us is 'typical.' And then there are the young kids diagnosed with cancer or diabetes or a disease no one has heard of.... and no one saw it coming.
Taking on the role of parent is one I really think too many people take lightly because they don't WANT to think about it. It's easier to think of all the happy things, because the bad things may never happen...and I definitely think that's the better thing to do. Don't plan for bad until bad happens, generally speaking, because life is too short.
But then there's little ole me. With a crappy X chromosome. So I DO have to think about it. Because that's the responsible thing to do.
How do I grapple with this? I'm sure most people would say.... you have a boy and a girl, be happy, call it quits, move on with your life. And I think that's good advice, but man I feel a huge tug in my heart for another baby. So then adopt you say.... Are you going to give me the thousands of dollars it takes? Are you going to help me get my milk back? Plus, that's kind of like taking an even bigger risk, because God love them, many kids needing adopting often have a condition that may cost a lot of money to treat or may be life long. Does that mean they are any less deserving of love? Certainly not, I'm simply stating it's a decision to be weighed as heavily as the should we conceive our own kid or not.
I guess I also hate being pregnant too, and I hate what it did to my stomach (And am still dealing with all of that mess) so if I AM going to go through it again, I'd rather just not fix it now because it'd happen again... And since I am in physical therapy now trying to fix it, I am trying to decide if I should quit PT and plan to have another baby in the future (not right now or anything, next year or the year after) or if we are just done-done, and get on with the story.... because how long does adoption take anyway? Or maybe we are just full at a family of 4.... I just don't always feel that way.
....but man potty training is a good natural birth control (speaking of, NFP is going much better this time around, thank you very much. Props to my handy Kindara app).
love to you all.

I'm happy with me

So I have to tell you, the inspiration from this blog comes from many ideas that have been floating around my head.

I'm quite busy now, and this blog gets pushed to the back burner because most other things in my life take precedent. I am not trying to offend any uber blogger, I just can't take the time to sit down and type up grammatically perfected and creatively crafted blogs. But I currently have something on my mind I need to record outside of a facebook status.

If you've read this blog for a while or thoroughly then you know about my past with eating disorder, disordered eating, excessive exercise, unhappiness with body image, struggle to overcome all that, and then also the tough emotions that came with learning to be "just" a stay at home mom.

Thankfully, I kept plugging away at all the anxieties and insecurities. I suppose it's probably something most new moms go through--the uncertainty of finding your way as a new mom. And it's definitely common for many of those moms to take to the blogosphere to find support and information. I was totally one of those moms. In the moment, I thought I was confident and comfortable, but definitely looking back I was not nearly the mom or woman that I am now. Which is a mature thing to be able to say... No one could have done anything about my anxieties or issues, it's something I think nearly every woman has to work through on her own and at her own pace... so if what I write here can help one person tweak her thinking a tiny bit, then it's worth it. Someone at sometime said something that pushed me down the right path.

Ok enough sentimental jibberish.

Recently online there was an article about how J. Crew released XXXS sizing for women, and most commenters were disgusted by it. They "discussed" what it means for the body image of girls growing up knowing such a thing exists as "extra extra extra small." Some people commented, though, that there are medical conditions that exist affecting people who need such small adult clothing and that people shouldn't call them anorexic or 'disgusting' because that's unfair. I can see both sides; but I think the population of women who legitimately are that small, without having an eating disorder, is a tiny percent of Americans. The percent of girls who will hear of a size XXXS and try to achieve that size unhealthily has got to be much larger. But I'm not trying to marginalize those women with a condition, I just think it's a similar situation as little people who need their clothes altered or buy specifically from clothing companies who offer entire lines of clothes for their sizes.

Numbers on a scale and sizes on pants are not at all an indicator of health. They are simply a way to measure a person. Unfortunately many, many people have a desire to reach the lowest weight or lowest size. I think the biggest measure of health is happiness, because life is such a fickle thing that you could be a size 2 and get hit by a car tomorrow...or you could be a man size 48 and live to be 70. If you are happy with yourself and your quality of life is average or greater; who cares what size you are? Quality of life can be defined as that life is easier if you an averaged size person because transportation seats (bus, train, plane, car) are not made with obese people in mind. Life is easier if you aren't having to give yourself insulin shots, or life is easier if you aren't in and out of hospitals for anemia or dehydration etc.... I think everyone reading this can agree that being 'normal' is nice. And not having to work hard to be 'normal' is even nicer. But 'normal' is varied by person. So with that said...here is my humble attempt at how to get you to achieve your best self.

recent dinner of BLT-E salad

Clean up your eating. Just DO IT. Quit buying crap, because then you won't eat crap. At first I was a little worried that eating clean would lead me more to disordered eating because of cutting out entire groups of food. But the truth is, eating clean doesn't cut out any types of food, it just means you have to make them yourself or buy the more expensive versions with less crap in them. Mac and cheese isn't cut out, peanut butter isn't cut out, bread isn't cut out, dessert isn't cut out.... it's just a different version. So this actually doesn't lead to disordered eating because you can eat anything you want! :-) Yeah it takes some work, but it really comes down to commitment and determination. Don't quit. If you have to use those "shake" diets to get you started (think Herbalife, Shakeology), so be it, but it's my personal opinion those aren't the best things for you because it's not a whole-food product. It's processed and not the way humans were meant to eat... I mean... consuming your calories in liquid form? Not for me... but do whatever you have to do to get on the clean eating train but don't let them be a crutch for you for forever because A) expensive and B) I think you'd be happier figuring out a way to enjoy whole foods through chewing and a meal experience. It's more mentally satisfying. I know there are studies and claims saying they help you lose weight, and I'm sure that's true... but go for the lifestyle change that's long term and not a quick fix or unsustainable the second you quit the diet.

#gymselfie

Live an active life. Notice I didn't say 'exercise.' It's my opinion again that exercise is simply a means to an end. It helps release beta endorphins, but so does sex. It helps build and strengthen muscle, but so does chopping a load of wood. It helps burn calories but so does walking everywhere you go. See what I'm getting at? As long as you are active on a daily basis, you'll be happier, stronger, and fitter. I love working out, but it's not possible for me to do it every day anymore, especially when my husband travels. I just keep an active life by playing with my kids outside, walking to the park, cleaning the house, baking all of our meals from scratch. I USE my body to live my life and that's what matters. You should try it. Don't work so hard at your job that you don't leave time for yourself!

I know this is maybe a bunch of mumbo-jumbo to some of you... but I am just so happy that I've reached a place in my life where I care more about making my body work for ME and not me working for my body. If I have pudgy love handles so be it, I can do a lot of s*#t and I am proud of that. I am satisfied with the quality of food going into my body, so I am happy with my body. If I don't eat crap, and don't live like crap, I am happy with me! I literally could sing it from the roof tops. I have no desire to reach a size 0 or XXXS. If I naturally get there, fine (but we all know that's not my natural body size). I have no desire to reach 130 lbs, if I naturally get there (won't happen either) fine. I'm not going to restrict calories (or even count them), I'm not going to kill my body to reach a crazy ideal. I'm going to eat good food, be active, and be happy. Life's too short-- plus I'm a Christian and this life isn't the end!!

FL!

Reach out if you want moral support :-)

Day in the life of mom

Alarm at 425 am, up and ready & out the door by 4:46

5 am, workout, today was lower body circuits. Rocked it.

6:05-6:45 am, home, shower, throw on the toddler-mom summer uniform of athletic shorts and a collegiate t shirt, eat a post work out first-breakfast (Greek yogurt, honey, PB, apple), kiss hubby good bye (the benefit to early morning workout is I'm actually awake enough to tell him have a good day).

Close to 7 am I consider (A) folding the laundry sitting in baskets next to my bed or (B)starting the cleaning I've got scheduled for the evening but I'm pretty spent and so I make the rare decision to (C) lay down on the bed for a while.

7:40 am, little miss enters my room to say "I need to go potty!" She used to just get up and go, but now it warrants an announcement I guess, so we traipse downstairs because she likes going down there better. I start a load of laundry.

7:50 am, she (thankfully) doesn't ask about watching a show, so we decide to do some "school pages" (I bought her preschool reading, preschool math, and preschool sequence & patterns workbooks and the first two are completed & we're wrapping up the s/p one now)

8:25 am, I think J is awake (didn't grab the monitor, I was just hearing thumps through the ceiling) so we head up to get him, but it turns out he's not (we had a late night and busy weekend so I guess he's catching up, too bad he's not my only kid so I could actually enjoy the late sleeping ha!)

8:30-8:50 am, instead of returning downstairs I start folding the clothes in my room & G asks what she can do now, I tell her she can play, look at books, or help me. She's not keen on any of it and whines a good amount so I dump out the whites and tell her to comb through it to find her underwear. She's great at helping so that goes over well. Then she gets antsy and so we chat and sing songs while I finish. J is still a sleeping toddler, so we decide I'll make breakfast and G can watch a show

8:50 - 9:30 am, laundry switch, swiffer floor, empty dishwasher, make breakfast. G watches end of dinosaur train and start of sesame street. 

9:30 am, G turns off TV with no fight (huzzah!) and we go get mister-man up. His diaper is super smelly (taco salad the night before eeeek). He hates diaper changes these days so :-( to that

9:40 am Breakfast is whole wheat grassfed buttermilk pancakes and blueberries on the side. The kids have agave on top of theirs and mine are plain. I don't always make a fancy breakfast like that but it's grocery store day and somehow we are all out of dry and hot cereal and there aren't any weekend leftovers and I only have 2 eggs. Whew.

9:50 am, the treasurer from my mom group drops by to get a check I forgot to give her yesterday, my bad!

10:05 am, kids are down and playing while I clean up. It's good for them to have unorganized self moderated play. At least this is what I tell myself while I slave away in the kitchen because I'm too type A. Don't bother telling me to save the mess for later, ain't happenin' sister. Although I did leave a few hand-wash dishes in the sink, mostly because I was washing my dryer mat.

10:15 am, told the kids we were gonna get ready and go do a craft at the library...G pitched a fit because she didn't want to go. Are you kidding me??? She loves crafts and loves the library. Ugh #lifewithagirl I roll with it because, hey, it's not something we HAVE to do and I'm not gonna fight her to go do something fun. We do have to grocery shop though.
10:20 am, we facetimed with Grandma to talk about visiting and since we hadn't in a while. It went okay. Of course G was shy at first and J was a little ham who then got mad when I wouldn't let him hold the phone.... We chatted about 10 minutes and then got ready for the store.
10:50 am, head out the door....this is a process, almost every time. Need to potty? Where's our socks? Do we have snacks and drinks packed? Why are you both crying? Ugh, Ugh, Ugh! Why do we even both leaving the house? Because the fridge is bare...so here we go!

11 am; I was in the mood for paradise by cold play so I turned it on and got this sweet conversation from G; 

Me; jamming out.

G; What's this song called

Me; Paradise

G; What is paradise

Me; Paradise is a beeeaaaautiful place

G; oh yeah! Like you also skate on ice! Right mom?

11:05 am, we drive past the library and wouldn't you know G pipes up "I do want to do a craft!" "I DO want to go the library!" I think about saying, too bad, you shouldn't have said no at home....but I really wanted to go myself, so I give her a hard time about not making that decision at home and how we don't have our return books or our library card so it's going to be more difficult but we will definitely go and to the craft because it's something fun to do and next time let's make that decision at home.
11:10 - 11:50 am, decorate a Styrofoam cup with crayons and googly eyes, shovel in potting soil and plant a sunflower seed with each kid. Check out a few books and play a bit.
11:50 am head out to the grocery store. J hates his car seat now (it's really time to move him up to the big boy seat) and so getting into the car is never my favorite thing.
noon, arrive at the grocery store just as it's feeding time at the zoo. Oh well. I salvage the trip preemptively by utilizing the race car carts that have two seats and steering wheels. My kids have never got to sit in these (hello germs!) but I make the exception today after Clorox wiping it down (I used 5, in case you were wondering how many it took). They are so stoked! I also hand them their snacks and drinks and we mosey inside.

12 - 1 pm, stick mostly to our list but still manage to spend $180. I hate how much healthy food costs. I did buy like 8 packs of Sargento cheese though because it was on sale. Also got; peaches, pears, cherry tomatoes, lemons, grapes, cherries, two packs of power greens, radishes, butternut squash, egg plant, bell peppers, cucumber, pineapple, Italian sausage, regular sausage, omega 3 brown eggs, almond milk, grassfed cottage cheese, 7 yogurt cups for the kids, tub of grassfed Greek yogurt for us, pita chips (splurge this week), nitrate free ham, several boxes of annie's homegrown snacks for the kids to take to grandma's house, 2 things of honey, 'clean' strained tomatoes jar & 'clean' pasta sauce in case I don't get enough homemade sauce out of that, oats, 5-grain cereal (bob's brand), blue-pom wheat-fuls (MOMS brand) cereal for the kids, non concentrate OJ (2 plus calcium/D and 1 plain), nitrate free bacon... I think that's it. Of course we had our occasional hiccups of behavior, but overall it was pretty good thanks to the 'lets-be-real' cookie from the bakery I let the kids scarf down because they were teetering on the edge of fighting. Mostly I hated the trip because of how expensive it is. I really wish we lived in the country so I could get into gardening. I have to say though, we'd probably spend the same amount on food even if we weren't eating clean, just because we never eat out and I never did like to buy pure crap. I did earn 10 cents off per gallon of gas too.
1:20 pm, get home and unload the groceries.
1:30 pm, G is used to getting to watch a show while I make lunch...that became a habit after her preschool camp two weeks ago, soooo yup. Another 20 minutes of screen time here. Grand total of an hour, so I'm fine with that. J doesn't really care about TV, he ends up flipping through some books and then bugging me for bites. G actually takes his cue and looks at her new library books too instead of really watching the TV. Win.
2 pm, lunch is a homemade wheat bun turkey, cheese, spinach sandwich for G, with veggies & fruit and a few organic corn chips. I have a salad with (leftover) grassfed beef sauteed with carrots/onion/garlic/homemade taco seasoning plus cucumber chips, radish, bell pepper, salsa, a slice of pepper jack cheese and some organic corn chips. J has a combination of our two lunches cut up smaller. For dessert we split 2 graham crackers and milk. G has to go potty in the middle of lunch because she's gotten into that annoying habit, but better that than blowing up.
2:40 pm, kids play / fight while I clean up (don't worry, I do have G help me a little bit by carrying things over)
3 pm, switch a load of laundry and corral the kids upstairs to get ready for naps. I usually aim for earlier than this but the morning was long.
3:35 pm, both kids are in their beds after reading books, telling stories, drinking water and such....J cries for a while before zonking out (I think it's because it's the first time since Friday that I put him down) and G never goes to sleep.
4:30 pm, after an hour of 'quiet time, I get G up. We read a few books, change some laundry, pick up toys, and start dusting
6 pm, check to see if my husband has called to say he's coming home...no dice. G and I keep plugging away on our cleaning/playing. He finally gets home around 6:25 pm.
6:25 pm, get J up from his nap since he was still zonked out. I don't usually ask my husband to make dinner, but since it's just grilling and I want to finish my cleaning, he obliges me. He gives the kids a snack of yogurt while prepping dinner and I clean upstairs. Dust, vaccuum, , toilets, sinks, organize...thankfully I'm jamming out to some tunes and it's enjoyable :-)
6:45 pm, the kids head outside with my husband. I'm sure it's a hassle, but he's sweet like that ;-)
7:30 pm, I'm done and we start to plate dinner. I change J's diaper and he's actually cooperative! Hooray.
7:45 pm, Dinner is grilled butterfly pork chops, grilled zucchini/squash/carrots/mushrooms, grilled sweet potato, and grilled butternut squash
8:20 pm, done with dinner, and yes G had to got potty during dinner again.
8:25 - 8:45 pm, I played with the kids a bit and my husband cleaned up outside. Then we both start cleaning up the kitchen because many hands make light work and the kids play.
8:45 - 9:10 pm, family dance party to josh turner. It's super fun. My husband and I dance together to part of a song, despite the kids whining at our feet. I tell him, sometimes you just have to have ear muffs. We dance with them all the other times, we deserved a minute of solo dance LOL
9:15 - 9:30 pm, get ready for bed, which is all together. My hubby takes care of J and I help G. Then we come together to read books and say prayers. The cutest thing happens while I'm reading the book "What Brothers/Sisters Do Best." J is holding G's cup and offering her a drink (Water) and G picks up J's cup and offers him a drink...so they are sitting there giving each drinks. It was really precious, especially because they were giggling and smiling at each other. Life is good! My husband puts J to bed and I stay with G for a little bit. We chat about the day and our plans for the next day. One of my favorite parts of the day is when she says, "Mom will you stay with me for a little bit." and I say, "of course baby." I lay my head next to hers on the pillow and we snuggle up. It is so sweet and peaceful.
9:45 -10:15 pm my husband makes his lunch (I used to do this for him and then I just kind of handed the task over in exchange for me doing other stuff) and I pack up for my job the next day. After I'm done I stay in the kitchen with him for a minute and grab a few bites of the munchies he's eating...had told myself I wasn't going to snack after dinner anymore but his pretzels look so delish. so I have a handful and don't feel bad about it at all.
10:30 pm, after getting ready for bed myself, I lay in bed for far too long typing up this blog and I still don't finish so at 11:15 pm I save it and go to sleep.
apparently my hubby came to bed around midnight after watching two of his deadwood shows.
We used to go to bed at the same time but since I've been getting up early to work out, I try to go to sleep at a decent hour.


So there you have it...this really was a typical day in the life of me :-)
now you know why I never really post any more! love to you all 

Helper tiger and picnic

(Should have posted last week, lame blogger!) 

Our summer has been going along swimmingly aside from some stress, a cr repair, and a sinus infection bug that went through the house.

I'm going to try to post more here...so lately we've been....

Picnicking (mostly I pack our picnic but yesterday we had coupons and went against clean eating for a convienient and yummy chik fil a dinner)

Trying to fish as a family. Pretty challenging with young ones and a terrible fisher wife. Nice memories though.

Working. I have been doing a lot of happy family work and the kids usually come with me to small things. 

Reading. Summer reading program is in full swing and j is even growing in his attention span. He loves Pete the cat and llama llama! 

Cooking. Clean eating has been a year habit now, and it's awesome. Ie definitely gotten into a grove with the cooking and meal planning. It's just expensive. Anyone that tells you they eat clean and well on a cheap budget is crazy. There's no going back though. I can't let myself but anything with crap in it. It's shocking how well I shop the perimeter, except at target, yo'. I've been feeling generally great about myself and it's really only if we are traveling and I've not been eating well or if I've not been able to work out that my body image gets out of wack.

And then there's my helper tiger!

Check out her folding skills, to the left of my trifold are her half folded small towels. Love her!!