Monday, January 21, 2013

A little insight into my mind

So it's been a doozie of a day around here. I blame it on the inauguration interrupting Daniel Tiger. Our day just cannot go on with out that cute preschooler. Rather than go on about the laundry list (what does that even mean) of things that went wrong; I'm writing a short little blog about me.

So I was talking with my mom; and one of the things I said was how guilty I feel for bringing down our (my husband's and mine) family. I am a money suck; more of our student loans are mine than his...and I'm not even working to pay them off. He is. I have a lot of medical bills rolling in. I bring us down emotionally too because I'm a ball of stress these days...with taking care of the kids and my health issues and hormonal battles. I mean, in general, I'm not too bad... It's not PPD or anything; but I'm certainly a mess in my head; and it's a a daily battle of keeping up appearances.

My mom was saying that her guilt for money and all that is what led her to finally go back to work when I was around 2. She needed out of the house. Well, G is about two, and here I sit.

I love staying home, and I don't want anyone else raising my kids... But I hate the guilt I feel for being a financial drain.
Paying for daycare on a teacher's salary is pretty stupid, in my opinion, and I'm not even licensed in the state we live in anyways.

So what's a girl to do.

I want to homeschool our kids (through 2nd grade or so) anyway, so part of me is like, "why bother" with getting certified right now, since it'd be even more of a money suck. (in Kansas it'd mean an extra test and then continuing education, ie Masters)

So I figured the best way to form a plan is to list my goals and feel better knowing I'm contributing to our family in a meaningful way for now and the money will come later...plus I'm saving us money by not putting the kids in daycare. If only my mom could move here and retire and watch my kids for free ;)

Kaylene's goals:

1-2 years,
Continue staying home with kids, teach them everyday things and keep them young. Socialize with like minded parents and kids.
Maintain house, budget, prepare meals, clean, etc.
Prepare for homeschooling, research materials and accreditation with state
Find local homeschool coop to get involved with
**Perhaps taking in a few kids for tutoring in our home, 3-8 grade age, especially in math** need to look into this for the coming school year or summer

3-4 years,
Begin formalized homeschooling, and all that entails
Continue maintaining house/home
Begin my own masters courses, for now I think I'd like a M Ed in special Ed-gifted...especially because its online through Mizzou. Holla.

5-10 years,
Complete homeschooling of kids and my own masters degree.
Search out a gifted teacher or middle school math teacher position in our area
Integrate kids into public or Catholic (preferred) school as I return to work
Loans paid off.

There. I have a plan.

Oh, and on a side note, I'm glad I went to college, and I needed the loans to do so... So I don't regret that. I am much more educated, worldly and experienced because I went to college. I met my husband because of college. I grew into my own because of college. Now if only I could pay off the loans for myself...

Thanks for reading

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