No more nursing to sleep & a Great Weekend

Look at my big girl!!

I've made the tough decision to stop nursing G to sleep. It's a sleep crutch that is causing some bad night time troubles. So far today, I've been nursing her, reading a story, and then putting her down awake. It's worked for both naps, with only a bit of crying. She has been able to put herself to sleep for a while now, but I hadn't done it consistently. With babies, consistency is the key, so I am vowing to keep putting her down awake each nap/bed time. We are also starting to feed her solid food two times a day, because I think part of her inability to sleep through the night is due to serious hunger. Her night time cries are not just the "I want to eat" or "I'm lonely" cries, they are the "I must eat or I will scream all night because it's that bad" cries. I have tried cried it out, and it does not work. I refuse to have a broken heart, a sleep deprived baby, AND an isolated baby. Breastfeeding is much different than formula feeding, so we have to do what works for G, judge me not. Her tummy digests breast milk much faster than a formula baby's belly digests formula...so it's physically impossible for her to sleep through without having added solid calories too.
I'll keep you updated on how all of these changes affect our nighttime.
For the record, last night, I got 1 hour of sleep, awake for 2 hours, 3 hours of sleep, awake for 45 minutes, 3 hours of sleep, awake for 1 hour, 1 hour of sleep. Those broken 8 hours are not at all comparable to 8 solid hours, things must improve, or I'll go crazy!!

Aside from G's poor sleep habits, this weekend was so wonderful that I didn't even post yesterday!! It was a great end to a miserable week (that's not worth rehashing here, just trust me).
Friday night we surprised my husband's cousin with a great party for his 30th birthday at a local brewery. My sister babysat so that we could have an evening out. It was so wonderful, I cannot explain how much it was needed! We had some adult libations, chatted with family, took a little tour, and ate delicious food.

Saturday we were lazy until the afternoon, when we had our church picnic. We went to mass, I volunteered at a game booth for 30 minutes, we ate awesome BBQ made by the Knights of Columbus, had free dessert, got G a balloon "animal?" from a clown, and my sister took the baby on her first cake walk. As the music came to a stop, I yelled over to my sister to ask what number we needed. She looked down and responded, six! The announcer pulled out her number, "six!" she said. They had won!! I was overly-excited!! :-) G didn't know what had happened, but she got excited by me laughing and clapping. The tough part was choosing the prize. My sister settled on some butter cupcakes with chocolate icing--great choice.

G and my sister won the cake walk!

Then this morning I made a scrumptious breakfast and my husband brought us all drink treats from Panera Bread. G took an amazingly long afternoon nap--so I hope she is back on track from her horrible night of sleep.

Save Our Daughters part II; The Road to Recovery

This is part II of my Save Our Daughter series. If you have not read part I, please read it for background information on why/how I became bulimic. Please don't judge me for being so open and honest. Feel free to stop reading if you are offended. My hope is to touch someone who may have been, or is still going, through the same thing. I also want to give some background for part III of my series, which will be about trying to help G avoid a poor body-image and complications of that.

---

I am a smart woman. I knew being bulimic was unhealthy.

I sought help. I told my mom. She really only worried about me more. I went to the student health center. I was given a counselor, a nutritionist, and a doctor. They have a great program set up to (try to) help students get better. I wasn't really ready to change though, so none of that helped. I thought I was ready to get better...but I guess I wasn't.

I prayed. I knew God doesn't make junk, but I separated the action of being bulimic from who I was as a person. Thus, it was someone else who did all that binge/purge stuff. I didn't know that girl. I only hope God can forgive me for being so selfish.

When I met the man who would become my husband, things just felt right. Our relationship was serious from the get-go. Marriage was inevitable, and part of being soul mates is the ability to trust completely. 14 months after my bulimia started, I broke down and told my future husband all about it. This was only 4 months after we started dating. He reacted the only way someone truly in love could...concern, care, and desire to help me get better. He didn't push me away, think that I was broken, or get angry. Together, we talked about how it started, why it was bad, and how I could get better. He loved me-broken me-and that gave me hope that I could get better. One of the sweetest things he said to me: "You have to get better, because I was reading, and bulimic women have a lot harder time trying to get pregnant...and we want to have a family." He had read all about bulimia, it's health affects, and how to be supportive to me.

Just like the road to hell, the road to recovery is paved with good intentions. I swore I'd be better by the time we got married. Though I wanted to get better, I slipped up a few times.  From marriage until graduation (18 months), there were less than 10 occasions. That's not bulimia, by the medicinal definition, but it certainly isn't fully recovered. I don't think recovering from an eating disorder is something that happens very quickly.

After we moved to our current home, there was one time. It was June of 2010.

That's hard for me to admit, because it wasn't that long ago. Before that, it had been at least 6 months. The "reason" for that binge/purge was because I had gained weight, despite working out and eating right. I was craving junk food sooooo bad. I let myself binge/purge, despite the hard work I had been doing to be healthy. Turns out, I had just become pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant, my mind flashed to that episode and I was horrified. What had I done?? I was pretty worried about the baby until our 20 week sonogram, when I was assured he or she was healthy and growing just find.

That was the last time I've had a bulimic action. Sure, I still get down on my body sometimes...but in a much more normal way. It is not easy. Alcoholics can give up alcohol. Smokers can give up cigarettes. Those suffering from an eating disorder cannot simply give up food. There are a lot of people suffering from an eating disorder than never find help, or they give up hope. I pray for them. Staying healthy, and trying to maintain a positive relationship with food and my body is hard. Thankfully, I do have support and for some reason, a stronger-than-ever will power.

I don't know how or why, but after becoming a mom, my body image has improved somewhat. I carried a baby, my body (with God, of course) nurtured her into being, I gave birth, and I am nursing her. I am now completely responsible for a little girl's well-being. She needs me, more than I need to be "perfect." I eat a well-balanced diet. I work out because I want to, and if I don't feel like it...I don't. I have love handles, 'momma' marks, jiggly thighs, and a rounder-than-I'd-prefer belly, but I accept them.

Within the past year I've truly come to believe my physical appearance is nothing compared to my personality, soul, and actions. My husband says the nicest thing about me is my "extreme caringness." Not my body. G doesn't care about my body either. Pass the dessert, because I could die tomorrow and no one will say, "oh, she was so fat, she ate too much ice cream!" I hope they will say, "oh, she was really sweet." So long as I am healthy and taking care of myself...what will be, will be. To be clear, having this outlook doesn't justify eating any and everything while leading an inactive lifestyle. This outlook simply states, everything in moderation...right, mom?

That statement comes after 24 years of disordered thinking and 4 years of an eating disorder--and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I have to work at it everyday, but I'd call it recovery.

Being pregnant with G is what finally helped me recover, and I vow to do everything possible to keep her from falling victim to a poor body image, or worse--an eating disorder.
Stay tuned for part III of my Saving Our Daughters series for how I plan to do so.

For resources on recovering from an eating disorder, please see the National Eating Disorder Association.

G at seven months

Today she is officially seven full months old.

Whew. I don't know where month seven of G's life went?? It was full of giggles, playdates, illness, travel, cries, and mobility.

Home weight: 16.3 lbs
Home length: 27"

Dear G,

This month you tried lots of new foods! Peaches, Apples, Pears, Sweet Potatoes, Carrots, Peas. You like them all. So far, you really enjoy eating. You've also drank from a sippy cup on several occasions--you like to hold it yourself, but haven't figured out how far back you need to hold your head.
This month you loved playing around other babies. We met up with Justina, Theo (& Siena), and also went to the Parents as Teachers playgroup. You like to crawl up to other babies and investigate them--sometimes trying to eat them.
This month you loved musical toys. Anything that sings, plays a tune, or jingles fascinates you. You also have recently started playing your little grand piano more.

 This month your sleep was crazy and very unpredictable. Some nights you slept through, while others you woke up 4 times. I try to do everything the same, but it doesn't seem to matter.
This month you got sick. You're still getting over whatever kind of tummy bug you caught. I hate it, because I can't do anything for you. You don't even want to snuggle sometimes.
This month you went to 'daycare' for the first time--at the gym. You love their jumparoo. I love getting to exercise more often.
This month we went to Grammy's house, got a new car, and spent time with family for Labor Day.
This month you got faster at army crawling and have pulled up from a sitting position. It's a tough workout for you, and you get really frustrated doing it. You don't pull yourself into a sitting position from laying down, but if you are sat up, you can pull yourself to standing.
This month, no teeth appeared. I'm crazy. You've gone through teething, I know you have, but no teeth to report...yet.
This month your giggles have gotten insanely cute. They were sweet before, but now you start giggling and it turns into a full on laugh. OMG, I can't get enough. Your daddy always makes you laugh, he loves it sooooo much, too!
We skyped with Grammy for the first time this month, you always try to eat the camera.
We've gone on lots of walks and trips to the store this month. You love being outside--especially now that it's so nice out! You now ride on my hip or back in the Gemini.

I'm sure I'm missing parts, but that's because you're growing so quickly! I love you so much little girl, you're amazing.

Love, momma

Save Our Daughters part I, How I developed an eating disorder

This post is extremely personal, and is part I of my series about Saving Our Daughters. Please don't judge me for being so open and honest. Feel free to stop reading if you are offended. My hope is to touch someone who may have been, or is still going, through the same thing. I also want to give some background for part III of my series, which will be about trying to help G avoid the misery of poor self-image.

---

Have you ever done something, but felt that you weren't the one doing it?
Ever do something that you said you never would do?
Ever do it over and over again?

I have. Many, many times.

I ate a lot of food.
Then, I threw it up I made myself throw it up.

I guess you can call it bingeing (yes, correct spelling) and purging. Bulimia. Whatever.

I've always had a poor body image. I primarily blame the media, not necessarily for any influence on me, but for their influence on society and my friends, which did affect me. I didn't want to look a certain way because celebrities did, I wanted to look a certain way because girls around me did.
When I was young, my mom often commented on what or how much I was eating. I know she didn't mean any harm, she just didn't want me to be fat. I don't blame her at all, she's one of my best friends, those comments are simply one rung on the ladder.
Another rung, is the fact that I had several relatives who fed me anything/everything I wanted. I didn't really know the meaning of 'healthy eating.'
I also matured faster than everyone in my grade, and boys made fun of the way I looked in elementary school.
I was on the chubbier side in middle school, when girls become really catty, and I felt ostracized.
I thinned out some by high school, and I was an athlete. On the inside, though, I still felt really bad about how I looked because I was bigger than my jock peers. In my mind, I wore a "big" size and I weighed a lot. I had love handles. I had tree trunks for thighs. Something was always wrong, in my mind.
I also had a bad relationship with food. I would not eat breakfast, if it meant I could eat junk food for a snack. I 'rewarded' myself for running, by eating ice cream or some other unhealthy snack. My mom always told me the key to healthy eating is moderation. I knew in the back of my mind I had a bad relationship with food...but I didn't really do much about it until I left home.
My freshman year of college, nutrition became a passion of mine. So much so that I became kind of obsessive about it. I wouldn't eat anything bad...but then that would lead my body to crave any semblance of fat, so I'd binge eat it. All I was missing was the trigger leading to purging.

Enter a very catastrophic break-up with a serious boyfriend. It was a bad relationship from the get-go. I was set on remaining single my senior year of high school...but I was a sucker for smooth talkers who brought me flowers on our first "non" date. It was all down hill from there. I still planned on breaking up with him when I went to college. Well. He.followed.me.there. That screwed up my college experience on many levels. A few months later, he moved back home, and had the audacity to break up with ME! I was completely devastated. It was one of the lowest points of my life. He was a loser, I was a winner...and here he was breaking up with me! I was the one that wanted to break up! I never did it because I was too afraid of being alone. So when he did it, I felt like I had been punched in the gut, kicked in the head, and spit on.

I had previously thought I was an amazing catch, but if this loser felt like he was better off without me...I began to think I wasn't worth all that much. I moved on, but the relationship and break-up scarred me for life.

I found solace in exercising. I used my body, proved to myself what it could do, and kept my mind off of other things. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and boost moral--the problem arises when it becomes obsessive. Just as I had developed a bad relationship with food, I started one with exercise. If I didn't get to the gym at least once a day, I got really down on myself. I ran so much, ibuprofen was the only way I could walk to class. I was into size 6 clothes, and for my body...that might as well be a size 0. I had about 14% body fat...again, for my genes, that's ridiculous. I ate only enough to be efficient in the gym.

The summer after my freshman year I sublet an apartment so that I could stay at college--working, taking a class, and running. (I still love running, but my affinity for it is much healthier now)

So what took me from compulsive exercising and eating overly healthy, to being bulimic?

Living on my own. That, in and of itself, like many of the things above, is not bad.  Combine them all and the ladder I was climbing toward an eating disorder was complete.

No one was there to hold me accountable. I felt isolated, and I was a wreck. I had friends, but that didn't matter. On the inside, I was alone.

My 'healthy' eating and over-exercising led my body to crave fats. So in my weakest moments, I would find something-anything-junky to eat. I'd then feel completely horrible & make myself throw it up. Those 'weakest moments' became routine. It was a daily, if not more, occurrence.

I really don't think I can go into anymore detail, for fear of scaring family and friends. Suffice it to say, it got bad. I don't want to really rehash all of the details of being bulimic. For the purpose of Saving Our Daughters, you really only need to know how I became bulimic.

For my attempts to recover, see part II.

For resources on recovering from an eating disorder, please see the National Eating Disorder Association.

Baby Probiotic to the rescue

Let me start by saying that I love my daughter, of course I do, but I did seriously think twice about buying her baby probiotic. It is expensive stuff! Too bad I just couldn't feed her Activia.

not her normal self, but still sooo cute!

I was pretty sick on Friday with what I assume was a stomach virus. I hoped my breastmilk immunities would help G avoid the illness, but she has been having diarrhea diapers since Friday. She never ran a fever, and she acted pretty normal. By pretty normal, I mean she slept like a typical 7 month old would...not my usual daughter. She's also been more irritable, but not ridiculously out of sync. Her diapers were dirty more often, and the poop was so disgusting smelling. The color was way different, and they're very runny. Sorry for the TMI. You asked for it by reading a probiotic themed post. ;-)

Yesterday, I changed 14 diapers between 7:30 AM and 2:30 PM. 7 hours, 14 diapers. That's an average of 2 per hour. MORE THAN A NEWBORN!! Yeah, it was a great day. Yes, I did use some disposables. Not only did I get tired of just changing a diaper; I had to keep her hands out of that area, restrain her flailing legs, wipe her down, and deal with her squirming body FOUR times more often than a normal day. Oh, and I had to change her clothes 5 times. I like to let things run their course, but Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were not nearly as bad as Monday.

Source

Thus, a call to the doctor was made.
The remedy?
Baby Probiotic.

Weird, but it was worth a shot. Seeing as I was averaging a diaper change every thirty minutes, I went to the closest store. CVS. How much did they want for this magical powder? 29 big ones.

I can think of 100 other things I would rather do with twenty-nine dollars. I wanted G to feel better, I really did, but I just couldn't force myself to shell out that cash. At least not without checking the store down the road.

Super Target to the rescue. I could go on and on about how much I love Super Target, and yesterday they were like an angel sent to rescue me from this diaper changing abyss. Oh, and hopefully make G feel better...yeah, that too.

Rather than spending lots of time browsing the aisles (which I would not normally mind), we went straight to the pharmacy consultation. "Baby probiotic?" I asked.

The pharmacy tech took me right to it. No Up & Up (Target generic) option. bummer. The cost was still $10 cheaper than CVS. Well worth the extra 5 minute drive.

The doc told me to give her one packet of powder mixed with breastmilk 'now' and one packet (mixed with solids or milk) before bed. If it didn't seem to help by (this) morning, we'd need to make an appointment.

Seems like she is on the mend, so we'll see how today goes. She is back to her wacky sleep self and has only had one dirty diaper this morning. It was still a little weird, but nothing like before. I don't know if baby probiotic should get all of the credit or not, but it certainly didn't hurt.

source

What are probiotics?
Basically they are live microorganisms that help human digestion. Generally, they are thought to help irritable bowel syndrome, diarrhea, and ulcers--among others. I've read several websites about probiotics, but am not quite sure how they work. Currently, it seems, literature is more focused on detailing what probiotics help.

Menu Plan Monday

So far so good on the food budget this month. I think I will end up going over, as per usual, but hopefully not too bad. Meal Planning is not an exact science, at least not in this household.

On Wednesday, I am taking a meal to a family from church who had a baby about a month ago. The Mothers of Young Children group at our church is amazing. Among many activities, they provide THREE separate homemade meals to moms who have recently given birth. Each mom in the group volunteers to cook for the new moms throughout the year. I've decided to bring my favorite meat loaf & sides, which is what we will eat too. Saturday is our Parish picnic--I'm so excited! Breakfasts this week are leftover biscuits and blueberry muffins, cereal as needed. Lunches are sandwiches, fruit, yogurt, and crackers/chips.

Sunday: Baked Chicken Chimichangas (I prefer baked chimi's), homemade refried beans, spanish rice
Monday: L/O what-my-husband-calls "goulash" (macaroni noodles, lots of tomatoes, tomato paste, ground beef, seasonings, mushrooms, cheese)
Tuesday: Nachos or taco salad
Wednesday: my best Meat Loaf, mashed potatoes, salad, brownies
Thursday: Leftover bar
Friday: Homemade Pizza &/or leftovers
Saturday: Our church is having a BBQ for the Parish Picnic - mom's night off <3

Linked to OrgJunkie.com's Menu Plan Monday

New Haircut!

This weekend I got my hair cut. Not normally a big deal, but I've not gotten my hair cut since the end of last August. Yes, that is over a year. Regardless, I think my hair held up pretty well...but I was ready for a change. Haircuts are a nice way to start fresh, and since I have been trying to work out more regularly and take "better" care of myself, this hair cut was much needed.

I got REAL bangs...not the side swept bangs I've had occassionally over the past 4 years. I also had almost 8 inches cut off. I like the bangs, although they will take some getting used to. I don't think I look like "me." I don't really like the length. I wish I had left about 2 inches--good news, my hair grows fast.

What do you think?? Honest opinions welcome.

I think I look like Bones.

Spinnin' Saturday: A Little More You

This week's song is "A Little More You," by Little Big Town.
In our new (to us) car, I only have a 1 cd disc player, instead of the six I was used to in the Honda (bummer). Because of that, I tend to listen to the radio a lot more. When songs that I've heard a lot come on, I tend to change the station, in favor of newer songs that I'm still learning to sing along to. "A Little More You" is not one of those songs. I listen to it every time!

2007 summer

I listened to "A Little More You" a lot when my husband and I were still dating. We were really in love, but the situation was pretty tough on us. How could we be so young, but so in love? It caused one or both of us to question it several times, and occasionally we would hold back, or withdraw from the relationship. Sometimes we just needed a little more of each other.

I like the intro the best...that's probably why it catches me any time it's on---

Don't you wanna dive on in, yeah the water feels right
Dancin' on the edge of the love you're a beautiful sight

Here's a link to the video. I didn't post it in this blog because there are girls in bikinis in it, and I wasn't sure how 'family' appropriate it is... The song is innocent, and not profane at all--just trying to be super PG here ;-)

A Little More You by Little Big Town

Write a post about a song stuck in your head, what it means to you (or just how catchy it is), include a link to my post and then return here to link-up (at the bottom of this post), so that others can get to your blog and read your Spinnin' Saturday post!

Rockin' Green winner

There were 130 unique entrants in the Rockin' Green cloth diaper detergent giveaway. 675 total entries were verified, and the winner is Naomi Greenberg. She has been notified via e-mail and has until 9/18 (Sunday) at 4 pm central time to respond.

 

Thank you to all who entered!!

Please check out the Tommee Tippee reviews and giveaways currently going on!
Tommee Tippee Bottle (9/29 11 PM central)
Tommee Tippee Sippee Cup (9/29 11 PM central)

Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Li'l Sippee Review & Giveaway

Before becoming a mom, I always thought of sippy cups as a toddler thing. Now, in all of my new-mom-wisdom, I'm here to share that sippy cups are a gateway into self-feeding. And self-feeding is much better than, you, the parent doing all of the work. Once your baby can sit in the high chair, and you're starting solid foods, think about introducing him or her to a sippy cup!

Why give a 6 month old a sippy cup?

While we have never supplemented with formula, I do occasionally leave G with someone else who needs to feed her pumped milk. Sippy cups are the start of her learning to drink by herself and not need someone to hold a bottle for her (though the sippy currently requires assistance too). She also participates in family dinners now, eating her solids for supper, so I think it's only fair to offer her a cup too. She likes to drink out of my cup, but ends up spilling water all down her front. The mess factor of an adult cup means that's out of the picture for a while. Sippy cups to the rescue!

The only sippy cup we had tried before the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Li'l Sippee First Cup, was one we received as a shower gift. We obviously needed more than one sippy cup (Who wants to wash the same cup, over and over and over?). So when I was trying to figure out which brand to get, I tried to find a brand that is synonymous with quality, offered a leak-proof and soft-spout sippy cup, and had a variety of sizes/colors to choose from.
I'm pleased to say that Tommee Tippee extended me to opportunity to review their Closer to Nature Li'l Sippee First Cup.

G is a tough critic but I think she was won over. The cup was easy enough to assemble--just make sure the dot on the lid ring matches up with the dot on the spout piece. It was also really easy to clean (hand wash). The cup is chubby, which is a great feature for little hands learning to hold things. G loved the bright pink color (she's a girl through and through).

I did several leak tests throughout the trial run, and G's precious breastmilk stayed safe. She enjoyed trying to drink on her own, and I prefer this cup over our other one because she had an easier time getting milk out. That being said, some moms may find that to be a negative feature because it means spills may occur as the baby learns to sip the appropriate amount. I, personally, like that the milk is easy to get out because it will teach G what an adult cup is like. She can drop the cup, tip the cup, or throw the cup, and milk will not come out (so that's a baby-safe feature). She can sip on the spout and milk will flow freely, so she must learn when to stop to swallow (a big-kid feature). In the meantime, I'll trade cleaning up her chin for her gaining "independence."

Winner will receive a Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Li'l Sippee First Cup, green

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I received the above product from Tommee Tippee to facilitate this review. All opinions are my own and I was not compensated in any other way. Read Disclosure.