Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Marriage Advice - Wedded Bliss Wednesday

This week is about marriage advice. Something that my husband and I feel called to minister in as our kids get older. We want to counsel engaged couples in the church...but we have a few more years to become seasoned veterans ;-) (I think 7 is the magic number, to which we need 3 more)

If you could give one piece of advice to any married (or soon-to-be married) couple, what would it be?
One piece of advice is hard, because a marriage is a lifestyle; not just a part of your life. Hmm... maybe that is my advice? You have to look at marriage as more than a partnership. Even if you are not Christian, and don't believe the whole "...and the two will become one flesh..." it would serve you well to buy into it.
Marriage is a way to go about living one life that involves two people. I do nothing important without thinking how it would affect my husband (and figuring out what important means to the other person is part of this). We think of each other first, and know that getting through struggles is what builds the strongest fibers of a marriage. You should not get married if you are selfish when it comes to the other person. Sure, you can be selfish toward other people or situations....but to achieve the greatest marriage, you must be selfless with your spouse (and for this to work, he must be selfless to you, too).

What is an absolute MUST for any marriage/relationship?
My husband and I are Catholic. Not the make-it-when-we-can-and-half-heartedly-committed type of Catholic, either. We're in it for real...and when we did our Engaged Encounter weekend prior to getting married, we took a lot away from it. I know some couples don't have the best experience on theirs, because it has a lot to do with the leadership at the retreat, but ours was amazing. The absolute must for any marriage that we have always focused on....is that a marriage will NOT always be happy. You shouldn't even strive for an always happy marriage (strange but true). You should focus on having a UNIFIED marriage. Unity is an absolute must for any marriage. Within that unity comes honesty, partnership, love, and unyielding compassion.

What is the #1 no-no in a marriage?
Lying. Clearly, many things stem from lying (like cheating), but the matter of fact answer is...do not lie. Honesty is the best policy. If you are honest with your spouse and others, you will be trusted, you will have integrity, and your character will be morally sound.

What is the biggest lesson you have learned from your marriage?
 Forgiveness is a dish best served fresh.
Do you like that? I just made it up (if you find it quoted elsewhere, earlier, please let me know, I didn't google it).... and by that I mean that you cannot hold grudges or cling to past wrong doings. It's obviously easier said than done...but talk things out, mend the pieces, and move forward in sincere forgiveness.


  1. I agree completely with the being selfless thing. I think my husband and I are good at this - I know I often think "Would he like this?" or "what can I do to help him with that?" I think my husband is amazing at being selfless - he'll run out in a storm just to get me my favorite cookie if I'm having a bad day! I'm blessed to have him and I hope he feels the same way!

  2. Hi! Visiting from the linkup! So funny you mentioned the Catholic engaged weekend - my husband and I also got married in the Catholic church (though we are the make-it-when-we-can-half-heartedly-types!), and we both have fond memories from our premarital class as well. I actually wouldn't mind going to another one, post-wedding and a few years in. Like you said, regardless of your religion, there's a lot to be said for the two become one thing!

  3. I love the pre cana classes and marriage counseling that we were required to do by the Catholic church! It was so helpful.. I STRONGLY urge every couple to do something like it, even if it isn't faith based!!! Thanks for linking up :)

    1. Our Pre-Cana experience was wonderful too! After the workshop we had sessions with 2 other engaged couples led by an older couple who gave us the "who has the greater need" advice.

  4. I love the forgiveness thing. Huge!

    Happy to be your newest follower :)

  5. Honesty is very important in marriage-I think that will be exciting for you guys to work together in counseling engaged couples (in the future!) I think that would be awesome too, but I definitely agree that some years of experience are a good prerequisite for that!


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