Hey everyone, this post is going to be a lot more candid that you may be used to.
I'm having a tough time today with something I've blogged a bit about.... Body Image and Eating Disorder.
While not a 'parenting' topic, it is certainly a mother topic. I know plenty of moms who struggle daily with body image, and many who have reached out to me after my Save Our Daughter series--sharing that they deal with recovering from an eating disorder too.
I've got a cold, and haven't been going to the gym (mostly because G doesn't need to be in the daycare). I'm watching what I eat better than normal, and haven't had dessert but once in the past 3 days. But because I'm not really working out, and I have a crazy brain, I've been secretly hating the way I look for the past few days.
Add to that:
G's sleep has been all wack-o lately. I blame teething combined with me coddling her due to her cold. She had just been doing one 30 minute nap ALL day for the past two days, but took an early nap today...so I knew she had to have a second nap or else the afternoon would be hell. Today, I had enough. She just wanted me to nurse her to sleep, but she had just eaten. Nursing her to sleep has only gotten me short, crappy naps anyways. So I bit the bullet. I decided to really do cry-it-out at her second nap.
How does this relate to eating disorder? Because I was really stressed out with the crying, and the second-guessing myself, I fell into old habits. I rummaged up a bag of pre-made cookie dough that has been in my fridge for 2 weeks, waiting for an occasion to be used. I tore the bag open, ate 3 pieces of the dough, then proceeded to bake the cookies and eat 3 (or 4?) cookies.
What do you think I wanted to do after that?
Throw it up.
No. Thank the Lord. Seriously, He's on my side. I didn't want to lie, I didn't want to open the flood gates to a return into bulimia. I don't know where the will power came from, but I'll deal with the extra 700 calories.
I decided to get on here and share my story, because I know at least one of you moms can relate. It's SO hard sometimes, isn't it?